just my luck

between the new facial hair and the fact that i heard through the grapevine that he is dating someone new, i think i finally over my crush.


only took a year...

boys are weird

why have intense e-mail conversations with me if you are barley going to acknowledge me in public?!?!

it's the polite thing to do

well PF had her baby last night.

she and the baby are okay...which is what i wanted to know...which is why i got in touch with a mutual friend to find out.


so what should i do now?

send a card?



blech.

dammit

i swear!

i'm over him...only for him to suck me back in.

totally ignore me at social gatherings...only to have a flurry of e-mails (or really hot text messages) the next day.



i really don't think i can do this much longer.

bah

i must be in heat or something...because the crush is looking hotter each time i see him!

the hotness...and then the coldness

i don't know how how much i can stay of the crush's turning the heat up and then for no reason turning it off.
hard.

i mean it was like a week of solid HOT flirting. and then, nothing. back to being casual acquaintances.
i can't do that.

now whenever i see him i'm not thinking very pure thoughts about him.

birthday, schmirthday

ugh.

for whatever reason this birthday is not good. something is making me sad and just generally unhappy.

i know that most people thought that my last birthday was a hard one for me, but honestly turning thirty wasn't bad. but turning thirty-one...not so good.

i'm not sure if it's work stuff, personal stuff, or my life is a complete shambles that is making this birthday not...good.

i just feel miserable and i don't want to take anyone down with me.

my stomach has been feeling a bit dodgy as well

so PF e-mailed me a novel on tuesday morning extending an "olive branch of sorts." it has the same tone she used in her original e-mail to me in december...as if she was lecturing a child.


homey don't play that.



she basically wants me to state whether or not i want to remain friends. as one (or two?) friend said, should friendship be this hard?

on the one hand we have been friends for something ridiculous like 11 years and i should make an effort to remain friendly with her.

on the other hand, even doormat me can only take so much patronizing crap from people before i pull away.


so i'm sending her an e-mail at the end of the day (i really can't wait that much longer) stating my indecision.

this will not make her happy.
but as i'm (slowly) learning, i need to start worrying about my own happiness.

let's try something new

so my new theory to get over my crush is to CONSTANTLY tell myself that i'm over him.

yeah....it's going as well as expected.